Hello everyone, I am Yichen.
Before the morning meeting, I switched my favorite folk songs to the “office hot playlist”.
Although the headphones are loud, my heart feels empty.
In that moment, I had a thought: Am I pleasing my work, or am I pleasing the crowd?
Let’s talk about a common yet very real topic: Don’t lose yourself.
01.
The Glass Wall at My Workspace
I remember my first year at the company, I sat in an open workspace.
Watching everyone talk about sneakers, new shows, and trending memes, I nodded along, laughed, and saved links.
My clothing gradually became monochromatic, and even my catchphrases started to converge.
Until one day, I looked in the mirror and felt a bit like a stunt double.
In that moment, I had a thought: Am I pleasing my work, or am I pleasing the crowd?
Conforming has its advantages: it makes things easier.
You don’t have to think too much; just align yourself.
But it quietly takes away what belongs to you—what you like has been replaced by what they like.
Over time, people become very light, light enough that a gust of wind can blow you away.
You might be like this too: before posting on social media, you ask yourself, “Will this seem weird?”; when ordering food, you worry about your dining companions looking too closely; in meetings, you think not about your opinions but about “Will this cause an awkward silence?”.
This may seem like fitting in, but in reality, it distances you from yourself.
02.
Blind Dates vs. Farmers’ Markets
On the weekend, I went on a blind date, and my friend enthusiastically introduced me as perfect: outgoing, sociable, a good cook, and loves to travel.
It sounded great, but it wasn’t me. After the event, I went to the farmers’ market.I weighed tomatoes, picked garlic sprouts, and even got an extra bunch of scallions from the vendor.
What I brought home was my ideal weekend: cooking a bowl of noodles, flipping through an old book, and letting the sunset warm the balcony a bit.
You can check if you relate to the following three small things:
1. Profile PictureIs it a “professional template smile”;
2. PlaylistAre the songs saved the popular ones from the group, but the ones you play on repeat are your quiet favorites;
3. SignatureIs it written for others to see, unrelated to your current state?
The template gives a sense of security, like a uniform.It can hold the scene but can also rub your feet raw.
Over time, we mistake “temporarily looking good” for “long-term comfort”.
I prefer to use this metaphor:
We are like keeping ourphone’s Bluetoothalways on,anyone nearby can pair, the external noise can occupy the line at any time,draining battery, connecting randomly, and losing the main frequency.
Sometimes, you need to turn it off first to hear yourself.
03.
Three Lines on the Fridge Door
One day, I came home late from work and was cooking noodles in the kitchen.At the moment the water boiled, I casually wrote three lines of “self-agreement” and stuck them on the fridge door.Very simple, yet very useful; I’ll share them with everyone:
First: Turn off the illusion of being “always online”.
Mute those groups that don’t require a response, and leave some quiet for yourself.
You will find that the world doesn’t need you to “reply instantly” to every message.
Second: Reserve a “no audience time” each day.
Twenty minutes is fine,don’t post, don’t explain, don’t cooperate.
Do something that makes your body nod: like walking a bit, washing a cup, or copying ten lines of your favorite sentences.
Third: Do “preference sampling”.
Each week, note three things you truly like: a pen that feels good, a song you play on repeat, a little path home.
Write down “why I like it”.Write for yourself, not for others to see.
This is not a confrontation with the world.
This is about leaving a door number for yourself in the world.“Becoming the you that is not expected by others” is not about flipping the table;but about being your true self when no one is watching.
In Conclusion
To be honest, who hasn’t hesitated?We all jump back and forth between wanting to fit in and wanting to be comfortable.
But as long as you start to pull your attention back from the outside a little bit,the “me” that you’ve put in the corner will slowly grow back.
Self is not a one-time draft; it is a long-term tuning.
Tonight, why not do a small thing first:turn off a few ineffective notifications,leave yourself a period of time without an audience,listen to your heartbeat, and also listen to that quiet little song that belongs only to you.
Let’s encourage each other.
END
Author: Chen Yichen, the designer of his own life.