In the breakfast hall during summer vacation, the children around mostly switch between two modes:
One type of child eats while scrolling through their phones, watching short videos that have nothing to do with the “moment”; the other type is engaged in a battle of wits with their parents, trying to get their hands on the phone. Some parents start to yell, while in some families with better relationships, there are undercurrents: “Look, everyone is on their phones.” The entire breakfast hall resembles a cinema without a big screen. The phone is like popcorn. Wrapped in the atmosphere, it feels like something is “missing” if you don’t watch something. This generation of children is very difficult to manage. Adults feel exhausted from breakfast onwards. While picking up food, they whisper to each other, reaching a consensus: “This generation of children is too hard to manage.”
Recently, during the Dodo Bird summer camp, I also accompanied a nephew who returned from Melbourne to play in Nanjing. He had his headphones on and his eyes glued to short videos, with minimal communication throughout, his gaze sliding past the scenery while his mind was absorbed in the screen. I realized I missed many moments of connection with him, and our communication was half-understood.
The only thing I could do was cater to his preferences. Every day, I ordered his favorite mango sago from Mixue Ice City. My sister (his mother) had some control over his sweet food intake, but I felt compelled: it had to be ordered, that was the right thing to do. I tried to satisfy what he liked. Food and Pokémon cards became the two emotional entry points I could reach him through.
On the day of parting, he was also reluctant to leave. We agreed to meet again for skiing in Beijing in winter.
I thought of several philosophical points worth discussing:
01. The Paradox of Happiness
When nothing is lacking, nothing is truly gained. For our generation, going to “Beidaihe, Changbai Mountain, Nanjing” felt like a pilgrimage, while the new generation travels halfway across the globe but still scrolls through short videos. This is not just a “difference in mindset”; it can be termed as the “disappearance of the sense of gain”.
Everything is too easily accessible and too easily satisfying, thus the pleasure and ritual of “gaining” dissipate.
02. The Alienation of the Mind by Smartphones Children wear headphones and scroll through screens, seemingly shutting off their senses and souls. They are indifferent to the scenery and disconnected from the present moment. This is not just a generation gap; it is the alienation of the “structure of perception”. Our generation’s “experience of being in a foreign land” contrasts with their generation’s sense of being “natives of the same screen”.
We have essentially lost our common ground.03. The Sense of Non-Belonging in Cross-Cultural Children May Be a False Proposition With yellow skin and black hair, growing up in Australia and loving Japanese anime. My nephew’s sense of “non-belonging” is not just due to mixed ethnic identities, but because there is no single culture that can firmly hold his “sense of existence”. Perhaps we are overthinking; what we see as “cultural identity” in our generation has transformed into “online vs offline” in the eyes of the next generation.04. “Wishful Travel” vs “Sliding Travel”
Once, going to Beidaihe felt like fulfilling a year’s worth of wishes.
Now, flying in from the Southern Hemisphere, sitting in a breakfast hall at Changbai Mountain, the child is still immersed in a 5.5-inch small screen.
It’s not that they don’t care about travel; the world has been completely “virtualized”, and the real travel experience can no longer compete with the stimulation of the virtual loop.
In fact, this may not be the next generation’s crisis. It is our crisis. If we do not actively create real attractions, real emotions, and real emotional interactions, along with cultural interactions, we will only become the “ancients” in the children’s world. Children do not lack emotions; what is crucial is that we need to find the signals to connect with them again. Sometimes, it’s a cup of mango sago; sometimes, it’s a card; sometimes, it’s following their preferences. I later discovered that my nephew likes go-karting… and there are many times we need to turn on our “Bluetooth” to continue searching for his “signal”.
More importantly, we need to be open-minded and willing to truly understand their “world structure” and “mental models”. No matter what, we should maintain understanding and even be able to engage in dialogue.
Every proposition of “mother’s philosophy” can find a completely opposite approach, and it is likely to be correct as well. Mother’s philosophy is a flexible philosophy.
Thank you for your attention!
Editor: Xue Min Designer: Meng Jiao